Not Exactly How to Get a McMuffin at Lunchtime, but It's Close Enough

Couple of guys who think they figured out a way around the too-early McDonald's breakfast-to-lunch menu changeover, which, I have to admit, makes my all-time list of things that piss me off. Nothing you can get at or after 11:01 a.m. is as good as an egg biscuit with cheese. Their logic isn't exactly sound, but these guys get credit for enthusiasm. I especially admire their love of The Future.

[via the boingboing]

Sirius/XM Merger OK with the Justice Department, and Also Just Fine with Me

I subscribe to both XM and Sirius. One came standard in the Honda, and the other in the Mini, and I have developed an allergy to regular radio, so there you go. With news today that the merger is kosher with the feds, the two will be consolidating, hopefully for the better. Since I know they're listening, I offer a few suggestions for the new XiriuM or whatever it'll be called, taking the best from each.

The merger makes big sense to me, as the programming is basically identical. They both have stations dedicated to '80s hits, standards, chill-out space music, hard rock, classic rock, classic hard rock, reggae, opera, whatever, you name it. But then, I don't listen to Howard or Oprah, or sports, and that's where the big differences come in.

Anyway. A few thoughts from a freakishly dedicated consumer:

1. Keep XM's Pop Stations. Sirius has but one hits music station. It's fine. It's oddly varied, in fact. But then they have THREE easy listening stations. Now, XM has six hits stations—one of them the very cool and Euro U-Pop, playing hits from the discotheque—that might be playing "Apologize" at any given minute. So keep those. When I need to hear that new Linkin Park song, I NEED to hear it. Help me out.

2. Keep Sirius's Rock Stations. Both services have the spectrum covered, but Sirius more so. Stations dedicated to vinyl, punk, '90s alt-rock, hard rock, really hard rock, hair metal, and on and on. I mostly dig First Wave, the '80s new wave station, and Left of Center. It's indie-rock hits, basically, but nothing too out there. Because I'm boring. The Blog Radio blocks have chatty nerdy DJs, and I've grown to love them.

It's better, for whatever reason, than XMU, which is more experimental and less heavy rotation, and spends weekends on more off-topic special shows, lo-fi hip-hop or whatever. Nice in theory, but isn't there an lo-fi hip-hop station somewhere? Also, Sirius has CBC 3, Canadian indie rock. Love it.

3. Merge the Talk. There should be room for both Howard and Oprah, right? Also, Sirius has two NPR stations and XM has zero. Both have right-and-left wing noisemakers (twice as many on the right, by my count and I'm just sayin') and Fox and CNN and all that, so that won't change, I'm sure. But I like my NPR, especially without pledge drives, so more of that.

4. Keep XM Kids. SIRIUS KidStuff is always on in my car, but XM Kids is way better. They dig deeper for fun, oddball tot songs, instead of just playing Dan Zanes and Laurie Berkner and then more Laurie Berkner. Love Robbie Schaefer's Stuck in a Real Tall Tree show. This one's easy.

5. Merge the Weird Stuff. Keep Outlaw Country from Sirius, the only country station on either service I frequent. And Shuffle. And Elvis. Then from XM, make sure and hang onto the movie soundtrack and Broadway stations. Why Sirius doesn't have these is beyond me.

6. Get Me a Discount. Or send me a fat check or a dead satellite or some such for all my wisdom.

Arthur C. Clarke, 90, Gone

Not even sure where to go with this sad news. Most people might assume he was already gone, that the man who saw so well into the 21st century and beyond couldn't possibly pass here, among us, in a time when we've yet to colonize Europa and Mercury, shield our planet from wayward asteroids or build that damn space elevator from the Earth into orbit.

I'm proud to have at least interviewed the man, last century and via email, upon the release of 3001: THE FINAL ODYSSEY (possibly my least favorite of his books). He had me laughing out loud with his answers to my attempts at smart/smart-ass questions, but where that interview is now, I have no idea.

No way I can do justice to Clarke's impact and won't try here. Be silly of me. I'll only mention that RENDEZVOUS WITH RAMA remains one of my Top-Ten-Ever books, a so-totally-simple yet supremely grand work of science fiction and imagination, the sort of thing that honestly and truly sends a young mind into the heavens, to return forever changed. Read it, people of The Future. Maybe you'll learn a little something.

I Have No Plans to See THE BANK JOB This Weekend, but I will Admit to Having a Huge Totally-Heterosexual Man-Crush on Jason Statham

If I was a 21st-century action star, I'd so totally be Jason Statham. If he didn't kick my ass first, for, like, trying to be him. Not that there's much else to choose from, except maybe Jason Bourne, and I'm pretty sure he's not even real.

This Statham guy, he's all sleek and Euro. He can kick with power and grace. His nosed is all fucked up, but he still looks great in a suit. It probably even feels dangerous just to be around him.

Plus, look at the movies he's in, this year alone: (a) IN THE NAME OF THE KING, a low-budget sword-n-sorcery deal; (b) THE BANK JOB, a heist movie, and nothing is cooler than a heist movie, except, (c) a remake of DEATH RACE.

These are the movie choices of a Real Man, unafraid of crap dialogue, action clichés and cheap effects. A man who's ready to ride, or race, or fight, no matter what the arena, or the stakes. A man who knows the real action still happens on the edges, and at the bottom, and isn't afraid to dwell there, and be king.

Really Expensive Trends That Bore Me—In 3D!

I'm baffled. Today they announce hip-hop dance sequel STEP UP 3-D, which will be, oh great, presented in all three available dimensions.

Nobody really wants 3-D movies. I don't want 3-D movies, do you want 3-D movies? I didn't think so. And I can say with absolutely certainty that, if I stood on the corner with a clipboard and asked strangers, "Hey Moviegoer, what more do you want from your moviegoing experience?" that not a single one of them would ask for more movies in 3-D.

I saw one 3-D flick last year, BEOWULF, and I do have to admit that shit was fly, but mostly because of the Beowulf vs. Sea Serpent melee (best fight scene of '07, easy) and the giant IMAX screen. Not because of the two times Angelina Jolie's hair/whip/tail floated around in the movie theater.

Anyway, I'd round up the upcoming 3-D movies by big-shots like James Cameron, and then go on and on about '80s 3-D classics such as METALSTORM and SPACEHUNTER, but gee it seems we're out of time!

Who Did the Moon Piss Off, Anyway?

This is how much we love the moon. We love it so much we're sending a spaceship and a giant sledgehammer up there, in an $80 million mission, to slam into the South Pole and sniff what comes up. We're looking for water, see, embedded in the polar soil. For whatever reason. As if that'll change our plans for colonizing that rock and picking it clean.

This is the kind of love we show, after ignoring the thing for nearly four decades.

Hey Mr. and Mrs. NASA and whoever, let's build New Irvine and Upper Skokie, already, and get on with it. Before some nutbag like Alexander Abian gets the president's ear and blows the thing up. No really. Most people forget about this guy. Way back in the '90s, he made a big deal about wanting to blow up the moon. Wipe that thing out of the sky. Guy was a professor at the University of Iowa, too, a professional egghead, and said a moonless Earth would be more stable, predictable and safe. No more seasons, no more hurricanes, that sort of thing. But also, I think he forgot about this, no more moon.