Monday, March 10, 2008

New INDIANA JONES Poster Totally and 100 Percent Decoded! Okay, Maybe Only Kinda!

They release this new one-sheet for INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL today. I investigate. Here's what we know, based on this wealth of images:
  • There will be huge skinless glowing white heads with bulging eyeballs. We're to believe they're of alien origin. We're to connect them to the "Roswell" crate from the trailer. We're to understand that these are the crystal skulls.
  • There will be an angry horde of South American native types. This, as everyone knows, is the hallmark of a great Indy movie.
  • It should be noted here that neither aliens nor Soviets are as evil as Nazis.
  • Cate Blanchett is hot in bangs, Soviet or otherwise.
  • Cate Blanchett is hot with a sword. But why does she have a sword?
  • Snakes!
  • Karen Allen is REALLY happy to be here. Those cheeks!
  • Shia LaBeouf has a lot on his mind.
  • Harrison Ford looks better than he did in RETURN OF THE JEDI. Really. Guy looked like ass in that.
  • John Rhys-Davies isn't here. Is he too busy with (actual, not-making-these-up, back-to-back sequels) ANACONDA 3 and 4?
  • A newsboy cap and a 'stache really take the edge off Ray Winstone. Is he the new John Rhys-Davies?
  • Aliens!
Did I miss anything?

1 comment:

Soy Noodles said...

LOL for real. Who's the fat guy in the fat guy hat?